1. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m shocked by the negative reactions from Americans I’ve seen to the news. When it became legal here in the UK, it seemed like no one without same sex attractions cared. Never heard a single person here speak out against. Mind you, I think people keep their opinions about everything more to themselves here – silence never means assent here. Fab news anyway. Probably in 30 years times how it used to be will seem like society banning people of different races from marrying.

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    • It appears that yesterday I was caught up in the overwhelming positivity of the whole thing and chose not to see the negativity. I’m seeing more of it today. However, the people who are saying negative things (who generally have religious reasons for doing so), at least in my experience, are being extra careful to preface their opinions with disclaimers to the effect of, “I don’t want to be an asshole, but…” So at least they are acknowledging the asshole quality of their words! LOL. But it’s like they know their opinion is no longer popular, so they’re treading lightly. Those who do not tread lightly are being publicly shamed for it. It’s interesting as well the differences in reaction between the UK and the US. I would love to see some journalism on this. And you’re spot on about the comparison to mixed-race marriages. I actually can’t believe that whether gay people should be allowed to get married is even still a question in today’s world.

      I view this as sort of a trial run for my own coming out – I don’t know that I plan to post something on Facebook, but if I do, I know based on people’s reactions to the Supreme Court ruling who will be supportive and who will not. It’s nice to have that heads up.

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  2. It does seem strong anti opinions in the U.S. are almost always fuelled by religion, so we don’t get that here anywhere near as much as it’s normal to be secular here, not Christian as in the States. About half the homophobes and lesbophobes I know here are liberal in general attitudes and non religious.

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    • It’s amazing to me how much religion affects our attitudes here in the US. It seems like they almost always go hand-in-hand. Honestly, the UK seems like a more pleasant place to live for that reason…but I’m sure it has its own problems, lol.


      • Jenny, sadly I think some of it is that people tend to keep their opinions to themselves here when they think they may offend or antagonise other people. Americans are very noticeable for speaking their minds and being verbally expressive, whereas we Brits are notorious for our reserve. Some of it will also be that people tend to not interfere with what others do in their own lives here, too. There is homophobia here but it’s just not open. Having said that probably it’s less homophobic here on the whole as there’s laws against it as well as the lots of social liberalism and the general secularity here which influence people not to hurt the gay, lesbian and bisexual etc people in their own private lives, due to good education about the issues and it not seeming a respectability issue any more. I also wish you well with coming out, but as you know, as a rare Brit with obsessively religious parents, I appreciate the problems with family which can come from that and think it’s sensible you’re preparing to move out from your parents home. If you want my advice, I’d think long and hard about if it’s really what you want to do if you may loose your parents, including scenarios such as if you got disabled and couldn’t work an d loosing out on an inheritance and your parents funds as you’re getting established in life. I’d try to find support from other people but it’s wishful thinking that, long term, friends usually take the place of families to people without families who are in need because people almost always put spouses, children and close relatives first and don’t have much to spare after that. You have to be strong and have opportunities to advance in life to go it alone and not end up crying in the gutter. I would not feel a pressure to label yourself – things are rarely set in stone and as you know, sometimes change – I’d be open to wherever your heart takes you, and enjoy life. Take care x


      • It seems to me that Americans have not learned the old advice, if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. There is something to be said for being open with our feelings, of course, but the impassioned hatred with which people leave comments on the internet seems to breed nothing but blind bashing and embarrassing displays of ignorance.

        In a few weeks I’m planning a post on my parents’ views on the LGBT community, so I’ll get more in depth with what I perceive to be their attitude, but yes. I’m actively planning my escape route and should be on my own within a month or two. In all honesty I think my previous “wrong” choices in life have prepped them for this revelation, and they won’t react as strongly as they would have when I was in high school, but I can’t be too cautious. I think it inevitable though that they will find out very soon, whether I come out or not.

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      • Hey this is the reaction to the news I just read on a very popular British general discussion forum, for people of all political persuasions and outlooks. One person on the thread disagrees and says so mildly, (so far through 7 pages – no trolls on yet). I just thought you might be interested to see it
        http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2086496 We are lucky things are so different here.


      • How very encouraging this is, and informative and interesting! You Brits are so polite with each other, lol. Such a breath of fresh air after some crazy people (notably Christians) on Facebook here claiming persecution and advocating civil disobedience, which actually just made me laugh my ass off. Thanks for the positivity. 🙂

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      • I wouldn’t actually describe most British forums as polite places, as they all tend to attract trolls, who stir things up for their own personal amusement or something, but yes I think we tend to shy away from controversy in public speech. I’m old enough to remember when it was publicly acceptable to speak homophobically in the UK, like in the 1980s, when they started teaching PC as part of education. Now that’s in the past here so yes, maybe the U.S. will reach that point too.

        Jenny, the asexual movement that’s emerging may allow people with same sex attraction a way of not coming out to religious parents, if it’s the sex which is the problem for them. I’m wondering if perhaps you could tell your mother you need a special woman in your life but aren’t going to be physically intimate with one, and that she might, with some education and persuasion, accept this in the way she wouldn’t accept you having a sexual relationship with a woman. I will read your blog entry on your parents dilemma.


      • This is so interesting, your idea of coming out as homoromantic but asexual. I think it may be a good idea for some, but for me the whole point of coming out is to live openly, and I think this would defeat that purpose. I am in a place in life where if I come out to the general public, there is no way my parents will not find out the truth, and they would be even more upset if they found out the truth secondhand. I guess what I’m saying is that if I told my parents I’m asexual I would have to tell the rest of the world I’m asexual, and this is something I don’t want to lie about. Just from a perspective of pragmatics, I don’t think my parents would believe me, because it’s no big secret that I’m a deeply sexual person. Lol. To put your mind at ease, however, I don’t think they would kick me out or disinterest me or anything. I think they would have to bite their own homophobia, get educated and slowly come around. They won’t approve in their hearts, but at the same time they’ll know I’m an adult and they can’t change who I am. They’ve been learning this for quite some time now. More on this in future posts. 🙂

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  3. I’ve not seen any negative reporting or negative comments coming from British people about Friday’s decision. Stiff British upper lip – if we ignore the problem, it will go away! The attitudes over here are very overwhelmingly inclusive, especially amongst school kids as the curriculum has changed and many gay groups are doing excellent work on anti-homophobic bullying.

    I for one am delighted and have found this whole weekend incredibly emotional. My first Pride without my wife. 😦

    Hon, I wish you all the best in your coming out journey. Love yourself and allow others to love you for who you truly are. Surround yourself with positive things, positive people and blast out that Tegan and Sarah as loud as you can. Dance around in your lesbian shirt, get a tattoo, pierce your nose, get an asymmetrical haircut. Or not. Just be you. The joy that comes from that freedom and letting those Barriers down is wonderful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words! You are very sweet. I’m in the process of building up the positivity in my life, and I’m meeting a potential roommate this week, so I’m very hopeful that big changes are about to happen! 🙂 This weekend was so amazing and inspiring, and made me proud to be American and proud to be queer and proud to be human. Wish we could all just have one big party for it. It’s very interesting and wonderful how far ahead the UK is in reforming society to be more inclusive. I hope that one day the US gets there too.

      I’ve been following your blog and it’s heartbreaking but incredibly courageous, the journey you have taken in widowhood. Your wife sounds like she was a wonderful person, and so do you, and I hope you are able to find such deep joy and love again. I wish you much happiness!


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