22 comments on “I DIDN’T SEE IT COMING: SUCKER PUNCH

  1. I hope that it all goes well with your brother and your relationship with him isn’t intercepted by your parents. Wishing you all the best πŸ™‚

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  2. it is a very common, indeed cliche, conversation with straight women

    “I’m a lesbian” them: “Don’t flirt with me” me: “Okay.” them” What’s wrong with me?”

    and yes, you can realize later in life – and many women do so after marriage to a man and some men after marriage to a women

    feelings when younger can be brushed aside for conformity and inclusion nad frankly – not knowing

    I knew gay men exists before I knew lesbians did. so I came out at 23 and I am 47 now.

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  3. Sorry that’s the reaction you got from your Mom. Hopefully with some time she will see that your brother hanging out with you will not “turn him gay” too. As if that’s the worst thing that could ever happen !

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  4. Unfortunately, sometimes our parents get so consumed with their own feelings and beliefs that they are blinded to how their judgment hurts their children. Or sometimes they just don’t care. I came out to my mother when I was 18….well, more like she straight out asked me and I told the truth. She too expressed how she wished it was a phase. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 12 years now. Lol, so much for wishful thinking!

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    • Ahhhh! I’m so sorry I didn’t see this sooner… There were a lot of comments on this post and I was responding on the go. Thanks for your comment – and your patience! Lol. Congrats on being with your girlfriend for 12 years! That’s awesome!! It seems both your mom and my mom knew something was different about us, and felt the need to ask. Did your coming out totally catch you off guard too? And has your mom become more supportive as the years go by? At the moment, my mom is choosing to sort of bury the subject by not talking about it. Lol.

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      • I wasn’t ready for her to ask me that question most definitely!!! She’s become as supportive as she can be. She still thinks it’s a sin and before she tried to constantly remind me that I’m living i sin and going to hell. But i ended up telling her the more she judged me the more i would stay away from her and not have a relationship with her. We don’t talk about it now. My sister is the one that changed the most although she was never judgemental about it. Her and my gf get along like sisters. I’m blessed that my mom wasn’t the type to treat me like trash or let others do it.

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      • That’s so true, sometimes you have to just agree not to talk about it in order to save the relationship. How awesome that your sister is supportive and gets along well with your gf! I think my family relationships might be very similar to yours. πŸ™‚

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  5. I hope it goes well for you with your brother. I’ve read how much your relationship with him means to you. Of course, the next thing will probably be your mom using him as a pawn to try to get you back in the closet, if your parents are anything like mine. But my dear the times are changing and so I expect your brother will understand and accept before all that long, if not in the next few months or couple of years, so I’d hang on to that thought.

    It just seems so sad of your mom because it just seems so unnecessary to have her antagonistic attitudes because there is no such thing as gay or hetero, both are made up of all kinds of different things and people tick some of the boxes for each identity and not others across both identities – as I see it. I mean lots of hetero women for example hate girlie clothes n traits n dress androgynous and act dominant and assertive n men r attracted to them – whereas gentle and passive lesbians who identify as high maintenance femme exist too. To be honest tomboyish looks in lesbians always just remind me of the look of poverty or the working class matriarch.

    Of course people realise their sexuality at any age. Incidentally when I was your age I went to a lesbian and gay switchboard counsellor for advice n she said she couldn’t understand me not knowing what my sexuality was as all lesbians she’d ever known knew they were lesbian from an early age, which was really alienating and unhelpful but I think people knew less about sexuality in the mid 90s and we just are more clued up now. Except maybe your mom sounds quite naive.

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    • You always leave the most thoughtful comments. πŸ™‚ I appreciate your support so much – and things are still up in the air with my brother. She still didn’t let him go with me to the city today, but my brother and I hung out last night, watched a movie, and she didn’t say I couldn’t take him out of the house at least around here. I also asked her to refrain from telling him about me before I had a chance to tell him myself, and she respected that and even asked me this morning if I’d told him yet so she doesn’t accidentally say anything.

      As it is I haven’t had a chance to come out to him, but I plan to before the end of this weekend. I want to find the perfect moment and I don’t want it to be at home. You are right that times are changing and that he will probably be very supportive and possibly one of my greatest allies – my mom pointed out too that it’s a great time to be gay in America, as if to say, “I might have a hard time accepting you fully right now, but at least society will.”

      That is really crazy about what your counselor said, that you should have recognized it from an earlier age. Who is she to judge you for what age your sexuality became apparent? Ugh. So condescending. I had a similar experience with an unhelpful therapist during my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. She wanted me to “shelve” my “lesbian issue” so that we could work on the “real stuff.” Shelving my feelings only resulted in depression and anger and pain.

      Thanks for reading, as always.

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  6. Well jenny, reading your story tells me how tough of you. Rest assured, your mom will comes out her sense soon. As for you brother, i think you should come out with him, as your very good relation between you both.
    For me, its very envy of me knowing some other people have a very very good and tight relations between siblings. For me and my siblings, we barely talk to each other. We seem like stranger to each other (at least, i am feeling that way).
    Anw, back to your story, its good to come out as your truly are. Keep the fingers crossed, the best is yet to happen.
    MC

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    • Aww, thanks for your comment! I’m sorry to hear you are not close with your siblings. It’s a very special kind of relationship. And I appreciate your kind words. I know things will get better as time goes by!

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