I took a quiz on YouTube the week called Are You a Baby Dyke? The answer, apparently, is yes. (I’m not saying I answered “yes” to ALL the questions, but to the ones that really mattered…) Is it a bad thing? I don’t know.
I mean, I was aware of this, but every once in a while it punches me in the gut: I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing at this big gay party. I’m that girl standing in the corner talking to my cup of rainbow M&Ms because she doesn’t know anyone yet. The struggle is real, people.
Here are some “Are You a Baby Dyke?” questions that may or may not pertain to me.
- Have you seen Freeheld? More than once? In theatres? Extra points if you went on opening night.
- Do you look for subtle ways to broadcast your gayness on Facebook or other social media? (How about that rainbow coffee mug? You could take a picture of your kitchen and make sure it’s visible in the photo… Or wear a flannel shirt in your profile pic, or add Mary Lambert to your musical interests…That’ll be sure to get people wondering.)
- Have you replaced your entire wardrobe?
- Is your favorite band Tegan and Sara? Do you want to marry one of them? Do you dress like them? Do you have an Instagram account solely for the memes you make about them? (please click here for a more extensive list on whether you need a Quin-tervention. The condition may be serious.)
- If you’ve dated people of the opposite sex, you try to refer to your exes without using gendered words when talking to people who don’t know your story. (“So I had lunch with my ex this weekend and we haven’t seen each other in 6 months…it was weird but I was OK with it because at least I’m not the one living with my parents at 32!”)
- Have you subscribed to all of the gay magazines yet?
- Are you late with your blog posts because you were up late re-watching The L Word? (Maybe you’ve just finished Season 3, episode 11 featuring the trippy Tegan and Sara concert…)
The first time I saw Freeheld, I assumed nobody would want to go with me, so I took myself on a date on a Friday night and went all the way up to Evanston to see it (because it was only playing in select theatres, what is this “non-mainstream” bullshit). Oh god. First time around, it was AMAZING: Ellen Page looked hot with short hair, what a triumphant fight for human rights, what a fucking sad ending. It was a theatre full of crying lesbians (and a few straight couples) by the end. Yay.
The following week, my straight friend Jennifer asked, “OMG, have you seen the movie Freeheld? I want to see it, it looks so good! Do you want to go with me?” Was this real? Did she have to ask? We made plans to meet up after work on Friday, grab some dinner, then head to the theatre.
Later, my queer friend Rachel texted me: Hey, want to go dancing tonight?
I texted back: No, going to see Freeheld tonight. Have you seen it?
Rachel: OMG! I’ve been wanting to see that!
Me: Well, want to come with?
Rachel: Sure, can I bring a friend?
Suddenly there were four of us going to see Freeheld. Pretty awesome. (“No one will want to go with me”) (WTF was I thinking)
Afterward, we stopped at a bar for margaritas. Rachel and I were halfway through a pitcher when she asked, “So Jenny, what kind of music do you listen to?”
My palms started sweating. I burst out laughing.
Rachel looked at me skeptically. “If you say Tegan and Sara, I’m going to throw up.”
Had someone told her? Is it that obvious? I know, it’s probably my Sara Quin jacket. (Black leather. I just got it. You’re welcome, Chicago.)
“Why, what’s wrong with them?” I inquired innocently.
“Who’s Tegan and Sara?” asked Rachel’s friend, who was straight. Jennifer looked equally confused. I simply whipped out my phone and showed them my wallpaper. Everyone laughed in shock.
Rachel just shook her head at me. “OK, for one thing, they’re completely mainstream-”
Tegan and Sara, an indie band that at one point rocked mullets. Mainstream?! (OK fine, I get her point. They might be mainstream among lesbians.)
She wasn’t done. “And all of their songs are so…codependent. You know, they even have a song called Why Don’t You Wanna Be With Me or something.”
“How Come You Don’t Want Me Now?” I started singing it, laughing. Yes. And what does she mean, codependent lyrics? Psssh.
…From the liquor stores to the train stop floors
Your filthy room, your drama blues
I am nothing if I’m not with you…
…I cried so hard that you pushed me further away
I screamed so loud you called the police on me…
…I can’t say that I’m sorry
For loving you and hating myself…
…Now I’m all messed up, sick inside wondering who
Whose life you’re making worthwhile…
But still, they are my loves, and I don’t apologize for my taste in music. Or in women. Besides, Rachel didn’t know who Ellen Page was until the week Freeheld hit theatres!!
Anyway, it was a very enjoyable evening, and I’m grateful for the new friendships that I’m building with people around me. Jokes aside, there is a feeling of unconditional acceptance of each other, of unanimous support. It’s beautiful and it’s refreshing.
Stay tuned for more lesbian moments.