1. Oh epic empathy fail there! Not what you need, not what anyone needs from a friend.

    I think often people are fine with family and friends being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual etc, because they have nothing against it in theory and they like or love the relative and friend, but as a generalisation, they don’t like gay, lesbian, bisexual or pansexual people.

    You say your friend has a religion but largely goes her own way as regards dogma. Do you think because of that – because she doesn’t resonate much with her community, a religious one – she doesn’t really think of you as part of the lgb community and so because of that she didn’t mean it personally? That she thought you were referring to them rather than us?

    I think you have as much right to feel you belong in the lgbt community as anyone else who feels they do. You’re attracted to women so …

    Sorry to you’ve had this heart sickening experience.

    I am okay thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a very interesting point about my friend not necessarily seeing me as part of the community… But yeah, the stuff she said about gay people in general was just offensive. I think she didn’t even realize what she was saying to be honest. She was tired, had no filter, and probably don’t mean for it to come out sounding like that…but it still hurt. Thanks for your comment. 😀


  2. The supportive but kind of not supportive thing sucks. It’s a lot easier to be supportive in theory and from a distance than across the kitchen table. Once those gays show up in your personal life it’s a whole new adventure.

    We all had to start out as the new kids in the lgbt class. We all belong from day one. Plus the dropout rate is low and the parties are fabulous!


    • Hahaha! “Dropout rate is low and the parties are fabulous” Yes indeed! You’re absolutely right about it being different when people have to deal with us on a personal level. Anyway, thank you for your support. It means a lot. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think for me, if she’d used the word you – as in, for example, “you gay people”- when she was criticising people of the lgbt community, I would take that personally, but if she used the word “they” during the criticisms, or just referred to gay people, then I wouldn’t necessarily think she meant it about me. Even though she was stepping close to the line – because she was so tired.

    The former to me would be unacceptable in a friend, the latter just sounds like confusion about how things really are for you, you know like one of those times when someone’s really not getting it and the conversation takes a lot of thought afterwards for them to piece together more understanding and then they may realise how they seemed to you and feel bad about it and want to make amends. Or possibly not, sadly, because they don’t like their changed perception of you.

    It’s so painful to loose a friend and I feel for you.

    I don’t think in Britain it’s such a big deal for people to change sexuality. So if I started dating a different sex I wouldn’t come out to friends about it until they asked me if I was seeing someone. Unless I really wanted to share it, and then I’d probably tell them in a text. like I do with all kind of news. I’d tend to think “Why should my friends assume what sex I’m dating, so why should I come out to them?” But then I wouldn’t be fearing much rejection, because the culture here, (speaking only for myself), is different and I don’t have any friends of homophobic religions, or mostly any religions actually, (hmm I have a Hindu friend – I wonder what that religion teaches about same sex relationships … )

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s true about our friends not always realizing what they’re saying – I don’t think this friend genuinely meant to come across as ignorant or bigoted or judgmental, but unfortunately she is the type of person who doesn’t take confrontation well. The only way I could have asserted my feelings about what she said would have been to address it right there, in the moment, out loud. The few lame things I said in defense were not taken well; the conversation shut down as she felt awkward and tried to make me feel awkward enough to stop talking. I feel like this moment has damaged our friendship, but the few times I have tried to send a text or an email after the fact about things that have gone down poorly in our friendship, the message has been ignored. I would rather keep the friendship than bludgeon it to death over an ignorant, tired comment… But still, it hurts. I would be very interested to know your Hindu friend’s thoughts on being gay.


      • 😦 your friend … poignant ….

        Well, I know my Hindu friend’s not prejudiced herself – years ago in her late teens she even had a girlfriend herself, (at the same time as a boyfriend. I always tend to flow into friendships with other polyamorously inclined people!) – but people don’t always agree with absolutely everything their religion teaches as dogma. I will find out some time.


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