On Friday night I had dinner with my ex-boyfriend. My first boyfriend. My college boyfriend.
I hadn’t seen Sam in 4 years. At that point in our lives, we were both devoutly Catholic. Our relationship of almost one year ended when he pressured me to get married, like, immediately.
That aside, we had been close friends before that, and our friendship was special for many reasons. I wanted to see if we could reclaim that friendship.
The dinner was awkward. (Expected.)
He hadn’t changed at all. (Expected.)
The ways in which I have changed disappointed him. (Expected.)
I told him the last time I went to mass was Easter 2 years ago.
I told him that the next person I date will be a woman, because I sensed that he was hoping for more from our meeting than revisiting our friendship.
These are some of the notes I took:
“Does that make you feel fulfilled?”
“It’s interesting how even in a gay relationship there’s someone playing the man and someone playing the woman.”
Used the words “phase” and “fad” a lot in reference to my interests
And lastly, perhaps most devastating – “It doesn’t surprise me that you’ve changed a lot.”