Love is love.

Where did all the trees go?

I came out to my brother Saturday night. I’d been trying to find time to bring him somewhere quiet were we could talk, and it just wasn’t happening. Finally at 11 pm I said fuck it, let’s go to McDonald’s for a late night snack. So we did. It was more awkward than I expected.

Me: So Liam, I have to tell you something…
Him: (scrolling through his phone like a typical technology-addicted 15-year-old) Yeah?
Me: Dude. Put your phone down, this is serious.
Him: (rolling his eyes) Fine.
Me: So, um, do you know what it means to be gay?
He just nodded, like he knew exactly what was coming.
Me: You know, when boys like boys and girls like girls?
Him: Uh-huh.
Me: Well, I’m not sure if I would call myself totally gay, but I like girls.
Him: Uh-huh.
Me: Did you know that already?
Him: Yeah.
(He kind of looked at me like, if you post one more photo of Sara Quin on ig I’m going to strangle you.)
We both laughed.
Me: OK then. Do you have any questions?
Him: Nope.

LMAO! It’s impossible to know what exactly is going on inside his head, but it was good to get everything out in the open. He still suggests potential boyfriends for me, but it seems like more of an effort to gross me out, like waving a frog in a girl’s face, than a genuine attempt to “fix” me.

We talked a little about people’s opinions on gay people. About what he might hear from his friends, or at the private Christian school he attends. I asked if he still thought I was cool, which of course he denied because I never was cool in the first place, but I could sense a new closeness between us. We hung out pretty much every second we were both home. It was pretty awesome.

As a side note: it doesn’t seem like my parents will try to keep us apart. As part of the suburban mindset they’ve always been freaked out by the city, so I’m hoping that’s all that was – my mom hasn’t even reviewed/censored Liam’s phone since my coming out, so that’s something. I’m pretty sure emotions were running high that first night. One overreaction is allowed. I feel relief.